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t perhaps have joined
them. You can judge how hard it has been for meand how I've struggled
from one thing to another.
“Dear friend yilai:
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an old man asked.
Nothing to worry about[link widoczny dla zalogowanych] yilai:
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Okaymaybe I die soon! Great and tender heart which I divined [link widoczny dla zalogowanych] yilai:
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[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]! Perhaps you dream
of giving me so much love and lavishing on me so much that is beautiful
from your beautiful soulthat you hope to set up some aim for me at last
by it? Noit's better for you to be more cautiousmy love will be as petty
as I am myself and you will be unhappy. Your brother told me that the
man who loses connection with his country loses his godsthat isall his
aims. One may argue about everything endlesslybut from me nothing
has come but negationwith no greatness of soulno force. Even
negation has not come from me. Everything has always been petty and
spiritless. Kirillovin the greatness of his soulcould not compromise
with an ideaand shot himself; but I seeof coursethat he was great-
souled because he had lost his reason. I can never lose my reasonand I
can never believe in an idea to such a degree as he did. I cannot even be
interested in an idea to such a degree. I can nevernever shoot myself.
“I know I ought to kill myselfto brush myself off the earth like a nasty
insect; but I am afraid of